Example of a Good Headline, But Failed Execution

by

I once saw an interesting banner hanging over a heavily trafficked street with an example of a good headline:

MAKE YOUR MOLE FAMOUS.

It certainly got my attention. (The first thing that flashed through my mind was Cindy Crawford’s mole, followed by the actual animal.) The sub-headline indicated it was for some sort of research study, but I couldn’t get all the info without causing an accident. (This was a while ago, 2009 or so.)

“Make your mole famous” is a great headline example, much more exciting than something like “Be Part Of a Mole Study” or “Be Part of a Research Study.” So kudos to the copywriter who came up with the creative headline.

However, here’s where the marketing campaign broke down.

I’m pretty sure the research study was being sponsored by an organization called “SMOC” because I spotted the acronym on the banner. However, when I googled things like “mole research study” + “SMOC” + my town’s name, nothing came up at the time. Same if I googled the headline with quotes around it. Same if I simply googled “mole research study Massachusetts.”

What if someone saw the banner and the compelling headline and decided they wanted to be part of the study, but they didn’t want to risk getting into an accident to see if said banner had contact info? What if they googled later and couldn’t find anything about it?

Ugh! Talk about a missed opportunity.

Here’s how the marketing campaign should have been executed:

First, the copywriter should have kept the copy under the headline simple. Something like “New research study. Learn more at . . .” followed by a clear, memorable URL that most people couldn’t miss while driving.

The URL should deliver on its promise. It should either be THE page on the study or clearly link to it. The page’s title tag should look something like this: Make Your Mole Famous | Mole Research Study | Massachusetts. That should cover a variety of searches. The content on the page should be thorough, repeat the headline, and provide details about the study.

The marketing team should have secured MakeYourMoleFamous.com. (At the time, it was available . . . I checked.) Even if the folks associated with the study didn’t want a separate site, they could have redirected it to the page about the mole study.

The team should have also considered running paid ads (PPC ads) around phrases like “Make your mole famous” and “mole research study” (etcetera) for however long the physical banner over the street stayed up.

Having a compelling headline isn’t enough.

Think through every step your prospect/customer must take to complete the call to action, whether that’s buying something or signing up for a research study. Don’t make these steps hard—make them as easy as possible.

If you’re a copywriter or content writer, you can (and should) speak up when you see a marketing campaign derail. Don’t just “write copy” and call it a day. Make yourself invaluable by asking probing questions:

  • What do we want people to do when they see this banner?
  • Are we making it easy for them?
  • What website are we sending them to?
  • Will they be able to find it in search?

And so forth. AI can’t do this thinking stuff, but you can.

Want to learn how to write great headlines?

Start with these two excellent articles from Copyblogger:

I also highly recommend The Copywriter’s Handbook by Robert W. Bly. (The link is an Amazon affiliate link. I’ll earn a small commission if you buy it, but it won’t cost you more.) Chapter 2 is all about headlines and subject lines.

Advertising Copywriting 101: Know Your Audience

by

I’ve been doing advertising copywriting for over 20 years. And even though I shouldn’t be shocked when someone overlooks something so basic as “understand your audience before you write,” I still am.

Here’s a story I recently pulled out of the archives because it is still relevant today. Too many advertising copywriters and marketers still skip this important step.

Consider this scenario: Would you talk to a 20-year-old single guy living in Boston in the same way you’d talk to a 50-year-old woman with kids living in a Boston suburb?

No, of course, you wouldn’t. So imagine my shock when I got a call from a marketer who wanted me to write a headline for a print ad, the third in a series in which he’d created the other two. I asked him where the ad would be appearing, and he told me. Then I asked for demo info on the publication since this would give me a good sense of the audience we’d be speaking to.

And he said, “What do you mean ‘demo’ info? Oh, you mean demographics? I don’t think you’ll need that info once you see what I did with the first two ads.”

Um, how can I do advertising copywriting effectively if I don’t know who I’m writing the ad for? (Short answer: I can’t.) How do I know if I’m talking to the 20-year-old single male living in Boston or the 50-year-old suburban mom? (Short answer: I can only guess.)

OK, maybe you’re wondering why I cared about the publication’s audience. Shouldn’t I only be thinking of my client’s audience? 

When I work with clients, we always discuss their audience, including their ideal buyers (sometimes referred to as the “ideal client profile” or ICP). When I write print ads for clients, I’m still writing to the client’s audience. But! Publications have their own audiences, right?

By asking about the magazine’s demo, I was trying to ensure that the audiences were indeed aligned. I also wanted to know if we were zeroing in on a specific portion of the client’s audience DUE to the publication they were advertising in. (As I recall, the client was a dental practice, which tends to cater to wide swaths of people, from the single dude to the mom with kids. That’s why I wanted to understand the publication’s audience. Were we talking to the single dude or mom? Because the messaging would be different.)

My solution? I went to the publication’s website, downloaded the media kit for advertisers (which is why it exists), read it, and sent it to the marketer along with my suggestions on images and headlines based on the people who actually read the magazine.

When you write a print ad, website, direct mail campaign, sales letter, radio spot, or whatever, you must understand your audience. This is marketing and copywriting 101.

This marketing guy’s failure with advertising copywriting gets even better.

This same marketer created a print ad for another local publication and wanted me to “spruce up” the copy. After asking him for the pub’s demographics, he sent me census data on the town in which the publication appears, as if that info would tell me who reads the publication. (As Dave Barry would say, “I’m not making this up.”) I once again went to the publication’s website and downloaded the info myself.

The ad that the marketer wanted me to spruce up included the company’s “credo” and a picture of the owner and staff. (I’m not sure why he called it a credo. It’s much more common to say the company’s mission statement.) The credo was written in a “We/they” format:

We see our patients as individuals with specific needs and goals; we believe in providing our patients with the best possible care—always.

The tone was really distant despite the inclusion of the first-person plural. I suggested turning it to “you,” as all good advertising copy should ultimately be about YOU, the prospective customer:

We see you as an individual with specific needs and goals; we believe in providing you with the best possible care—always.

Still not great, but this change alone makes the copy a bit warmer. However, the marketer said he wanted it to stay in the third person because “that’s how credos are written.” 😭😭😭

Oy. Where to even begin with this marketing disaster? 

First of all, there’s no rule saying your mission statement must be written in third person. (HubSpot has an article with 34 examples of company mission statements. Some are in third person, and some are in first.)

Second, always consider your audience. Even if your mission statement is written in third person on your site, THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT NEEDS TO BE IN YOUR AD.

Finally, instead of using the mission statement, why not get a quote from a real patient that essentially encapsulates what it says?

Listen. There’s nothing special about a dentist providing “the best possible care.” I would expect that from any dentist. It’s not a differentiator, especially if you tell me that’s what you do.

But consider if a real patient was quoted in the ad with something like this: “Wow. These guys provide the best care. I was so nervous about my root canal, but they told me exactly what to expect, and it ended up being so much easier than I ever thought possible.”

Now, that would be compelling, wouldn’t it?

Bottom line: Always think about your audience first when writing advertising copy.

What matters to them? Why should they care about whatever it is you’re selling? (What’s in it for them?) What will motivate them to take action?

Answer those questions, and the copy will (almost) write itself.

Hey, are you new to advertising copywriting? 

You’re in the right place. I share free copywriting tips here and on my YouTube channel.

I also recommend these books to get started.*

Note: These are Amazon affiliate links. As an Amazon affiliate, I can earn commissions from qualifying purchases. It doesn’t cost you more, though.

Happy writing!