Ion Television: Positively Disappointing?

Dear Ion Television: I discovered your existence about three weeks ago when, in a desperate attempt to find more Criminal Minds episodes (yes, it’s a problem, I know), I landed on your network: “Ion Television: Positively Entertaining.” Not bad. A little corny, but memorable, so overall: not bad.

So I love the fact you follow the Law & Order model of running endless repeats of my new favorite show. And for the record, I don’t just watch because Joe Mantegna reminds me of one of my exes. Anywho, I was watching last night, the 10:00 show, and it was one I’d seen before, but it was the first in a two-part series and I HADN’T SEEN THE SECOND IN THE SERIES, and you had another episode on right after it at 11:00, and I thought, “Yes! I’m finally going to see who gets blown to smithereens!” But no. NO! You run a To-Be-Continued show and then the show after it is one from, like, two years ago. WHY?

Let’s think about this: you have a captive audience. I would have been willing to stay up until midnight on a school night, watch your advertisers’ commercials (Snuggies, anyone?), and possibly catch the lead-in to the infomercials you start running at midnight. But no. You deny me. And you denied your advertisers of these eyeballs (and probably other eyeballs as well).

Still don’t get it? Let me explain in a way that you might better understand. I actually have this great marketing idea for your network. It’s brilliant, and it will work. It goes like this: First, you’ll…

TO BE CONTINUED…

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